REALIZATIONS.

Tuesday Jan [27] 2009.
I am so happy and I thank God for the friends that He gave me [in school], because you neeed friends that you can talk to and vent to during the daytime.

Today had to have been one of THEEE MOST craaaaappiest days EVER.
It wasn't one of those, "This is the worst day ever," kind of day..it was just one of those "This day sucks crappppppppppp," kind of days. Everyone has them.
But the people who deeefinitely made my day were: Kay Ann, Sam Chong, NicoleH, and Kristina for buying me hot chocolate.
No one else helped aaaas much. (except for everyone I talked with at lunch. That was just fun. ahahh)

So after school since I was in my little pool of P-O'dness, me and Kay Ann started talking about ALLL our problems. I just needed someone to vent to. We walked around the entire school while I vented and Kay Ann listened and responded until we caught up with misss Sam Chong and she joined our venting party.
We talked about our expectations and not wanting too much, friendships, changes, people around us, etc. AAND our love lives. hahahahh.
And in some point of the evening, Sam told me this quote she read that really said something to me...
"You can't make someone your priority if they only make you an option."

..I CAN'T fall in love with someone who can easily decide that they don't want me anymore.
I need someone who is willing to stick with me through thick and thin, no matter what.
Someone who doesn't see me as a one time thing... that's just too hard. =/
See, I don't know if the person I want right now is right for me or not..
He might be, he might not. I was so sure about it before but now so many things are getting in the way-
And so many people have been giving me such a HARD time about it and it just hurts...
And I WANT to give up but I can'tttt.
I wrote in my prayer journal during bio..I said that I can't take it and that I don't want to take things into my own hands anymore.
I'm making things so much harder trying to fathom how everything is going to play out.

I know that the right person will come along
Or maybe he's already there

I have this feeling that the answer will be clear soon.
But I think, fiirst, I need to figure out if the person I like is rrrrrreally worth liking right now.
and you know, I hooope so.

Anyways like...
When everyone left, me and Kay Ann started talking about the past.
I told her how I realized that holding on to the PAIN I felt before is noooo good.
Even if I am over my old feelings,
As long as I hold on to my old pains, it's just as bad.
Because you CAN'T move on if you're still fed up on how bad you felt before
Cos' then you'll be waaaaay too scared to be hurt again
And you won't give things a try.
So I'm definitely going to let that old pain go because it's exactly like holding a grudge.

And holding grudges are gay.